Last updated on February 11, 2015
So here are a list of the things my ex used to do that eventually led to our totally awesome break up:
1. Bitched at me for not coming out to my parents (only a few months into our relationship).
Look. Guys. Learn from this. As in, NEVER do this to your significant other (SO). My parents love me unconditionally and I am lucky enough to know that I’d never have to worry about being shunned or kicked out or disowned. I could murder someone and my parents would probably help me cover up the body (and then get me lots of therapy.) But this does not mean that coming out to them is any easier and it certainly does not mean that I should be guilt-tripped into telling them. I didn’t want to tell them, and not because I was afraid of their reaction but because I didn’t think my girlfriend, who I shall affectionately refer to as C.B (Crazy Bitch), was worth my parent’s opinion of me changing forever. I’ll get to it. Don’t rush me.
2. Placed me on a pedestal.
Okay so I know this sounds kind of stupid. “OH GOD. MY GIRLFRIEND THINKS SO HIGHLY OF ME AND THINKS I’M PERFECT, IT’S TERRIBLE.” But no, it really is. The pedestal fucking sucks, especially when they realize you can’t live up to whatever fantasy version of you they have in their head. C.B had self-esteem issues and saw me as FAR SUPERIOR to her. She would constantly ask me why I was dating her, question if I really liked her/felt the same way (despite the fact that I was, you know, dating her for 9 months), and would brag and ‘show me off’ to her weird guy friends so much that it was awkward and beyond embarrassing. Jesus. Christ. Don’t point out to me the fact that you think I can do better than you, because I might realize that you’re right. And I did.
3. Tried to make me jealous.
Like I mentioned before. Self-esteem issues. C.B constantly needed attention. She constantly needed reminders that I had feelings for her. The thing with me is, I am not huge into sharing my feelings like C.B is. C.B will buy me a star, text me constantly about how much she misses me , and tell me every. five. seconds. about how much she loves me. She’ll even draw doodles of our future home together (yeah, not kidding. Wish I was.) I don’t do any of that. My ways of communicating affection are subtle and infrequent but when they happen they are meaningful and real. If she had been paying attention to the more subtle things then she wouldn’t have needed constant reaffirmation of my feelings for her (though I did my best to convince her). But the one thing that makes this super annoying is that she would try and TEST me. She’d try and make me jealous! Who does that? Are we in middle school? I have a really great story that has to go with this, remind me to post it later. But it was ridiculous. Here’s a tidbit: She sent me a picture of some girl she thought was hot. Yeah. Don’t ever send your girlfriend a picture of another girl. Not only will it be obvious you’re trying to make your girlfriend jealous but you’ll probably just end up annoying her with your lack of maturity and self-esteem. Pathetic.
4. Got mad at me for wanting alone time.
I’m an introvert. Now forget everything you’ve heard about introverts. ALL being an introvert means is that I need a lot of alone time to feel stimulated. I need quiet time to recharge my battery or else I get grumpy and exhausted. If you know me then you know this about me. If I say I don’t want to hang out then it’s out of consideration for you because I know I won’t be good company that night unless I get some alone time first. C.B knew this about me before asking me out. She even was REALLY good about it at first. But then she wanted to come over every single day. That drives me nuts. The girl(s) I’m seeing now? They’re totally cool seeing me 2 or 3 times a week. C.B? Nope. Had to be EVERY MUTUAL FREE MOMENT. If I told her I’d rather not spend a 4th night in a row with her she’d get pissy and say, “But I’m your girlfriend.” Yes, unfortunately you are, but that doesn’t change the fact that my brain is wired to hate spending more than 48 hours without alone time. This stressed me out when it came to schoolwork because I could never get anything done when she was around, even when she promised she’d just sit there and let me do my homework. Which she never did. This brings me to my next point…
5. All we did was have sex.
Okay now I know that doesn’t sound like anything to complain about because sex is awesome and who doesn’t like sex, right?
No. Korra is wrong. It DOES matter.
I’ll admit that this is sort of my fault. It was our second date and we had planned on going ice-skating… but we ended up staying in my apartment and having sex instead (this isn’t as bad as it seems, we had been wanting to date each other for 2 years by this point). Anyway, this seemed to have set the precedent for all our future dates as we very rarely ever made it out of my apartment let alone my bed. Soon we started jokingly calling every tentative date “ice-skating” because we never actually went anywhere. Later I would realize that this was because we had absolutely nothing in common except for a mutual physical attraction (that certainly fizzled on my end), but I digress.
6. She left my apartment mid-break up and then, a month later, she pretended we had never broken up. Yeah, seriously.
So I broke up with her. Except, well, she left mid-break up. Like. Started crying, got up, and ran out of my apartment. ONLY TO ANGRILY TEXT ME FIVE MINUTES LATER. Wow. Coward. So then a month passes and she keeps texting me so I finally tell her that she should stop since, you know, we broke up.
She pretended she had no idea what I was talking about and acted shocked and upset. She seriously texted me saying, “If you knew we were completely done you should’ve told me!”
Holy crap! How long did I date this idiot for? Nine months, was it? Well, shit.
So I said, “I did. I did tell you we were done. When I broke up with you. A month ago. I even started that conversation with, ‘I think we should break up.‘ How did you miss that?”
“That was a fucking dumb way to start that conversation!”
“How was I supposed to start that conversation? Did you want me to talk about the weather first? Oh hey. Kind of chilly out today right? By the way I’m breaking up with you.”
Suffice to say, this comment only made her angrier.
A month had passed since our break up and even though she clearly knew we had broken up (by remembering how I started our breakup conversation) she decided to pretend that I was somehow blindsiding her with the news.
I could literally talk all day about how crazy this chick was, but I’m not going to because this post is already too long and I have class in 30 minutes and haven’t put on pants yet. Story of my life.
As a side note, this story is about my first girlfriend EVER so I clearly had not developed any sense of ‘red flags’ and warning signs. The crazy snuck up on me, and yes, I stuck my fingers in it. She was glorious for the first few months and I’d be lying if I said I regretted it. I had absolutely no idea she was bat-shit until her self-esteem issues caused her to act like a Shellder clinging on to a Slowpoke.
(Like me, Slowbro tries to make the best out of an agonizingly painful situation.)
Anyway. I’m off to class. Hope everyone enjoyed this insight into my very first lesbian relationship.
Oh, and yes, Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry is the song I have set as the ringtone for when she calls (which she doesn’t, thank god.)
I FEEL YOU MAN! Lol, especially about the sex part. That is how it felt with my ex-girlfriend and when we actually went out, it did not feel right. We hardly had anything to talk about. It was only until we stopped feeling for each other (we were still in a relationship) that we actually had a good time together. I think the sex killed us,..but i have no idea. 🙂
Yeah, we mostly started hanging out in the first place BECAUSE we wanted to date. So basically our friendship was a means to an end which makes for a pretty shaky foundation for a relationship haha. Literally nothing in common. I didn’t realize this until a few months into our relationship, after the “WOW I’M DATING A GIRL” fog wore off haha.
Lol, i know how you feel. Sadly, a lot of people do not see the flaws or the differences until you are actually in the relationship.
My ex and i are complete opposites so our conversations go south really fast! The thing that i can actually say that we have in common is that we like a good debate..just not with each other! We would get so pissed at each other, curse each other out, stop talking for a while, make up and love each other again. It was like a never ending ride that i dreaded to get off, you know? I know what i want and she doesn’t and that contributed to us splitting as well! I was thinking, ‘ Why are you still in this relationship ?’, because i was NOT happy.
Well it’s good you left if you weren’t happy I had to too. Me and my ex actually NEVER fought except maybe twice… once for the whole trying to get me to come out to my parents and the second time for when she tried to make me jealous (when I was on the other side of the country for 3 months and we were in a temporary LDR.) Still, I think healthy relationships have SOME fighting. We literally had none except for those two instances. But then, a lot of fighting is bad too. I don’t know hahaha but I’m having a lot of fun avoiding the relationship game for now.
Me too! I feel like i need the time to myself and to meet other people. I feel like meeting other people and experimenting is what i need to do before i even think about a “serious relationship”.
But, me and my ex fought all the time towards the end of our relationship. I stuck it out though for a couple of months even though i was not happy because i love her. I found out that it is not worth it lol sadly!
Are you still friends with her?
No, actually. I totally thought we would still be friends (naive, I guess) and even though she ran out mid-break up it all seemed pretty okay, especially since she still sent me texts every few days that were friendly. But then the one month later thing happened and we were both so angry at each other and it was just really bad hahaha. So no, we definitely do not talk to each other anymore. Kind of sad but I was never in love with her so I got over it preeeeetty quickly. The first few months were amazing but it was the last 2 that were AWFUL so I totally get that. Definitely go out and date around. It’s what I’m doing now and it’s so fun!
Lolol, when you said that you got over it “pretty quickly ” i laughed so loud because it was not what i was expecting you to say yet it was…if that makes any sense to you ! Hahahaha, but i am glad you are enjoying it. I would love to find a couple people out there so i can have fun too ! 🙂
Haha yeah well, I realized pretty quickly that I wanted to break up with her based on our first weekend we spent together after 3 months (she took clingy to a psychotic level. I’ll probably post about that one weekend sometime it deserves its own post.) And so five days later I broke up with her (and felt really relieved). I cried for like, 30 minutes afterwards mainly because I felt bad that I made her cry and then that was kind of it hahaha. I’m pretty messed up when it comes to emotional attachment so I’ve never had any issues breaking up with people, I just feel awkward doing it. They’re always the ones that care more, as douchey as that sounds. So yeah, by that point I was severely annoyed with her so there wasn’t much to ‘get over.’ And totally! It’s just always hard to find other lesbians.
Oh my gosh, i knew that feeling until i got in to my last relationship. Ha, tragic but i wouldn’t say that i was clingy. I would say that i was not good enough.
I do not think it sounds douchey at all ! It is totally understandable ! I used to be the same, but i would have done the same thing if i was you!
It is hard to find other lesbians ! I know a few, but they are either taken or i am not interested. Sad case,
Ah, yeah. That’s the thing. A lot of the time I have to take a step back and question whether I’m -actually- interested in this girl or if I just feel like I HAVE to be because she’s either the only lesbian around or because she likes me or both.
Haha I can’t stand clingy, but a part of me feels that if I was REALLY into the person then I wouldn’t find them ‘clingy’ and would instead find them extremely attentive and caring. The second I think someone is clingy I begin to realize that I probably just don’t like them that much.
Happens to most of us. My girlfriend could never understand that i need space. And i started believing that may be i was wrong, i made myself be with her all the time n stopped giving myself time. Its been 1 year and 6 months i feel like I’ve lost myself. she complains ive changed. we fight almost every hour. And this is my first relationship too.!!
Sounds like it’s time to break up. When she asks why just do the whole, “I can’t be there for you 100% like you deserve blah blah blah” never give specific reasons because that’ll hurt her and make her defensive. Being vague but honest is the best way to do it. And also, you don’t NEED any big reason for breaking up other than “I’m unhappy” and it sounds like you’re unhappy.
hello Taleth and floeticrandilyn — why is it hard to find a lesbian for both of you??
Well in general really. Straight men can walk outside their apartments and know that the majority of girls they hit on are going to be straight too. Gay girls walk out into the street, look around, and have NO IDEA who would be receptive to flirting.
Hallo, and i am not sure. I guess it is because i am not really around that type of crowd so it is hard to find lesbians. I , to be honest, do not know where to start to look for any. I guess it is the way i look as well; i get more guys than i do women so i guess a lot of women do not think i am a lesbian. I have met a few lesbians and i knew the were lesbians because of the way they dressed, they had no idea that i was a lesbian because i am not as masculine looking. When they find out, they are shocked but see that i am once they get to know me. Like Taleth said, looks can be very deceiving !
But break up are so hard. we tried breaking up, i felt lonely and torn. I’ve fallen for her so hard i can’t be without her. And she feels the same way. I hate the fact we fight so much but il do anything to be with her even if i have to change 🙁 and its really really tuff finding other leasbians!! Even on dating website so many are fake. you just get so tired of looking sometimes you just wna settle for anything. And finding lesbians in a cafe or on the streets is highly impossible!
Okay. Piece of advice my lesbian mentor gave me when I was like 18 that I shall now deliver unto you: Never settle.
You won’t be happy in the long run, even if you think you are.
And if you really really love this girl and want it to work then you should fight for her and work on your relationship with her.
But if you want it to work for the wrong reasons (it’s hard to find other lesbians, you’re lonely without someone, etc) then you should really reevaluate your relationship. Can you not live without her because you love her or because you’ve become so dependent on her/you don’t know how to be happy alone?
Just some things to ask yourself 🙂
i agree to that… finding lesbian is really hard to find… because some of the gay girls here are hiding in the closet. they feel too embarass to come forward.. but it didnt bother me anyway… because im more particular to straight women, which sometime i get.. but its kind of hard to be with straight women, because there are lot of things to consider… specially when it comes to their family…i thought there are lots of lesbian in your country because seems to me that your country is much more open than my country. mine is so freaking conservative.
Which country do you live in and what country are you talking about ? And yes ! A lot of people are still in the closet and i agree that that does make it harder as well. I did not care either and i still do not care but there are a lot of people that do. To me, it is kind of hard to be with any woman lol.
“It’s kind of hard to be with any woman”
pihilippines… and yes as what taleth say… AMEN to that!!! but we still like woman, dont we?
Yes we do! For me, personally, i like the challenge but only to a certain extent. Does that make sense ??
I FINALLY FOUND THE COMMENT BUTTON.
Omg it literally took me like 20 minutes but ANYWAY. I have a video that is very relevant to this post, that I’d like you to watch. It’s by Hart on YouTube and it’s hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVJvjDr46tQ Called Crazy Bitch Syndrome
Also, on another note, I’ve become a lot more interested in your life after finding this website and your tumblr. So I’ll be stalking you via the web now c:
Hahahaha that video is great! And she is SO RIGHT. Especially around 2:15, when she says that they only get so crazy because they’re afraid of losing something they think is too good to be true (because of their insecurities.) That was definitely the case with my ex, because she got unbearable right around the time where I was becoming a lot less interested in her and I think she could pick up on it and hence acted more crazy. The more you pull away the harder they claw into you 😉
And hahaha well I’m glad! You are free to stalk to your heart’s content 🙂
I’ve never personally tried to aim higher than what I thought was “in my league,” so I haven’t dealt with this situation. But I’ve seen it with my friends and stuff and I totally know what you and Hart mean. I’m one of those self-esteem issue girls, but not to that extreme necessarily. It’s kinda tough to get out of a mindset that you have trouble working with…I mean I don’t really blame people for being all crazy weird or obsessive or whatever, mainly because I think it’s more sad then anything. Anyone suffering with self image issues needs some sort of help, whether it be professional or otherwise, because it hinders such a huge important part of your life.
Anyway I’m rambling (it’s 2:11am) so I’ma just stop talking and go stalk some more. GIT IT TALETH, YEEEAAAHHHHH (in reference to hot lawyer chick).
Kay I’m done.
Yeah, I see what you’re saying. Self-esteem IS a really tough thing. What was actually GREAT about my ex was that she actually made me extremely confident. Her constant worship and the pedestal actually made me incredibly confident in myself so… I have her to thank for that. My only regret is that no matter WHAT I did I couldn’t convince her that she was as beautiful as she thought I was. That kind of thing is always so deep-seated and causes so many other issues. If she wasn’t so insecure we might still be together but alas.
Not that I hope we were, because clearly I’m having waaaay too much fun being single haha.
Thank you taleth for your advice. i really need to think about if I’m in this relationship to avoid being lonely and heart broken or have i just settled. It was really difficult to judge myself and there was no one to talk to about it. I have no leabian friends. Its really difficult to find leabians who would like to be friends. And i agree with joi certain countries and freaking conservative. USA is a lgbt friendly nation. On the other hand India is not 🙁
Haha, I’m half Indian 🙂 Never been there though but I have not heard good things recently. My friend just went there for a week to see if she can live there for a year (she was considering moving for a teaching job) but had such an awful time she decided not to go =/
In any case, it seems like you should definitely do some reflection and really decide if you’re happy and if your girlfriend is what you want. Be honest with yourself and you’ll be fine.
i agree to that… most of the asian country are not lgbt friendly nation.. and its kind of makes me sad knowing that there are few of lesbian people living in those asian country but chose to stay in the closet…
Half Indian huh, dint see that coming. India is full of diversities, I feel its lost most of its divinity these days. I love everything about India except that marriages are still arranged n being gay is just not an option! But the place that i live Bangalore is much better off than the rest of the country in its support of lgbt.
And yes i will be reconsidering my relationship, not just coz i’m unhappy but the girl i’m with is an amazing person wouldn’t want to hurt her ever. Ive met a lotta ppl who claim to be in love…but honestly no one has been able to tell me what is love. what exactly one feels or what happens how you fall in love. So if you could help me with what love is i would be very grateful. I wnna know if i’m in love or not.
no one could ever tell you what exactly love is… its doesnt need or rather have a definite meaning… love is what can a person you would never thought you can be whenever you are with this someone.. and being in love doesnt need to ask anyone about it.
That’s what everyone’s told me..being in love u dont have to ask others about it. anyway i have loads of time to figure out love 😉
My huge doubt is in a relationship are both the partners equally sex driven? What if one isn’t ? then does it mean that thrs no love?
Everyone has a different sex drive. If you and your partner have different sex drives that really has nothing to do with love. Love and sex don’t always have to go together. If your partner wants sex more often than you do or vice-versa that usually just means your libidos are way different. Not a problem as this is pretty common in most relationships, just work it out so that you’re both getting satisfied haha.
nope but it doesnt mean theres no love
@floeticrandilyn— of course it does make sense.. can you take a
err… sorry i just push the “enter” by accident…
Okay good,! Can i take a what ??
sorry for the late reply… and i forgot what im about to ask you…
It is perfectly fine and that is perfectly okay ! 🙂
That’s a huge relief!!! That sexual drive has nothing to do with love. 🙂
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