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The Locker Room: Surprise Valentine’s Day Story

Hi guys!

I’ve posted a short story called The Locker Room over on Wattpad.

It’s really bad because I wrote it a hundred years ago but anyway, just so we’re clear:

THE STORY ‘THE LOCKER ROOM’ IS NOT, IN ANY WAY, RELATED TO THE STORYLINE OF ALEX’S GIRL OR LOST THEN FOUND.

Yes it uses Alex and Val.

No they aren’t ‘the real’ Alex and Val.

I wrote it for the same contest I had originally written A Method of Discipline for, and ended up going with A Method of Discipline because it was a teacher/student story and guess what kind of stories are always the most popular on Wattpad? Well, back then anyway. Now it’s billionaires. But I digress.

You can read more about it on the FAQ because I’m expecting an onslaught of “wait is this the prequel?” and  “Why are they in high school together?” etc. from people who don’t know how to read all my warnings ahead of time (people still ask me if A Method of Discipline is related to Alex’s Girl or Lost Then Found). 

ANYWAY.

Happy Valentine’s Day, to all of you. Yes, even you.

Thank you for reading all my junk, I really appreciate it.

No, there’s no news on Chapter 9 of Lost Then Found. JUST TAKE YOUR SHORT STORY AND GO.

Till next time!

-Taleth.

Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 10.24.45 PM

 

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Lost Then Found: Chapter Seven

First of all, before you ask, I have no idea who the chicks in the image above are. It’s a photo I found on some stock photo site. I was like “Oh, hot chicks in masks? RELEVANT.”

And here we are.

Now that that’s out of the way–hi guys! Long time no see.

I’ve written the seventh chapter of ‘Romance and Suspense’ also commonly referred to as Lost Then Found. 

(I swear I will up my book-naming skills for my next story.)
romance and suspense

Click Here to read the long awaited Chapter Seven!

I recommend re-reading Chapter Six too, as it has been quite a while.

I know it has taken me forever to update. Trust me, I know. You guys remind me every day, multiple times.

I was originally going to spend some time talking about why I took so long to update, but I realized that as much as I love you guys and want you to understand where I’m coming from… I’m the Avatar writer and you gotta deal with it B)

I'M THE AVATAR AND YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT
I’m also the Avatar btw, fun fact.

BUT if you are new here, and want to learn a little bit about me, then check back here in a few days for another blog post of the personal variety. If, however, you give zero fucks about me, and are only interested in my writing and Lost Then Found, then this is the only blog post you need and you may proceed!

For future reference, if I haven’t updated in a while and you’re wondering where I am. I’m not dead. I’m either:

  1. Working.
  2. Sleeping.
  3. Eating.
  4. Gaming.
  5. Having sex.
  6. Working during the hours I’d normally be sleeping, eating, gaming, or having sex.
alcohol
Actually can you just hook me up to an IV? Thanks.

 

A good way to check if I’ve died is by checking my Twitter account (@TalethP). I’m pretty active on there and if I’ve died it’ll be pretty obvious since I tweet every gay, nonsensical thought to enter my head pretty much throughout the day.

greenmenandwaffles
The waffles are my tweets.
thatdoesn'tmakesense
My twitter followers, probably.

That being said. I will never give up on Lost Then Found. There will never be a time where I say “I’m not going to finish this story.” You know why? Because I have PLANS for this story, including Alex’s Girl.

I want to finish the first draft of Lost Then Found, which you guys are reading, and then I want to edit the hell out of Alex’s Girl, and I want to edit the hell out of Lost Then Found, and then I want to get them professionally edited, and then I want to get professional cover art, and then I want to make that shit available for purchase on Amazon or some shit so you guys can have a copy on your shelves, or in your Kindle Cloud.

So before you message me asking me if I’ve died or if I’ve given up–I HAVE NOT DIED (I am immortal) and I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP ( I have plans).

SO ANYWAY. Back to Chapter Seven.

The Chapter song is Lost Kitten by Metric.

I don’t think there are any major spoilers in the below, but just to be safe you should read the chapter first.

This was a hard chapter to write, not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because there were a lot of…logistics involved? What’s Salvatore’s plan? What’s Val’s counter plan? How would Alex react to this this, and this? How would Laura react to this this and this? What questions would naturally be asked? Etc etc. Once I figured that stuff out it was actually not so bad, but I didn’t have a lot of free time to dedicate to figuring it out.

wynonnaryderconfused
GUYS WRITING IS REALLY HARD AND CAN GET REALLY CONFUSING.

The first half of Chapter Seven is a LOT of set up for future events, which I think can make the story seem ‘slow’ but I hope the 2nd half, the party scene, makes up for it.

I actually learned a lot about the venetian carnival while researching masks, and I definitely want to go to Venice.

Here are some masks I was looking at when trying to figure out what fit who:

Wolf Mask– I imagine Val wearing a solid black one, except with devil horns, because of course.
Like a pussy cat version of Laura’s silver lioness mask. These masks are called ‘gnaga’.
Cool ass lion mask.
These are pantalone masks. Gabe was wearing a mask this style. They’re pretty goofy looking, which is why I thought Gabe would totally be into it.
This creepy motherfucker is wearing the traditional Bauta costume. This is what the armed guards were all wearing at Laura’s birthday party.
We all know Darby was reppin’ some shit like this.
Salvatore wasn’t there, but he’d look great in this.
This is what Ciro’s bear mask probably looked like.    Just kidding. I couldn’t find a bear mask that didn’t look stupid af.
Here are some of the traditional venetian mask types!

 

Also, fun fact: There are currently two named characters in Lost Then Found that are actually the protagonists from stories I will be writing one day (and whose stories, for the most part, I’ve fully outlined.) It’s basically like characters from my other stories are making a cameo, except you don’t realize it’s a cameo because you haven’t read their stories yet! Feel free to speculate on who they are.

Anyway I think that’s it. Like I said, there will be another blog post in a few days just to update you guys a bit on my life (and to give you some insight into my busy schedule).

Also I definitely wrote and then never posted the Little Red Riding Hoodie blog post I promised back in like, November, so I’ll eventually get around to that too, I swear.

Back to writing.

Happy reading!

-Taleth.

Lost Then Found: Chapter 6 Preview

Halloooo my favorite minions!

I know this has taken a while. I actually meant to post this sooner, but I kept forgetting to (sorry.)

I’m trying to think if there’s anything worth reporting to you guys…. hmmm nope.

So please enjoy this (fairly long) preview of chapter 6!

***

“Do you love her?” I asked suddenly, instantly wishing I hadn’t. I already knew, so why did I ask?

Alex’s lips parted slightly, her eyes widening. She seemed as surprised at being asked the question as I was for asking it. She only allowed her surprise to show for a split second before she quickly cast her eyes downwards, a crease forming in her brow as she avoided my searching gaze. 

After a brief moment of silent contemplation, she said, “Yes, I do.” She turned to look at me. “I do love her,” she stated, this time with more confidence. A strange but beautiful smile spread across her face. It didn’t quite match the look in her eyes, like she wasn’t sure whether she was happy or sad.

“Why are you smiling like that?” I asked, wondering if my question had prompted her to finally find an answer to a question she had already been asking herself.

“It’s just… there’s something strange about hearing that question from you. Do you love her,” she repeated, appearing thoughtful. “That question.”

“Why?”

She hesitated for a flicker of a second before she said, “Because I loved you first.”

Loved.

Her words had barely finished processing before she hastened to change the subject. “What about you and Claire?”

***

As always, text in previews are always subject to change before the final draft.

Wasn’t sure whether to write this chapter in Val’s POV or not but she was being real annoying about it so I was like “Fine, you get another.” Back to 3rd person for Chapter 7.

The long awaited talk is nigh! I couldn’t really post anything else without giving away some key details so this will have to do.

Hoping to post chapter 6 this month! I’m veeeeery busy (even more so now that I’ve been promoted at my job) but I am hoping that I will have some time to get it out before November.

If you’re one of those awesome readers who follows me on all or at least one of my social media platforms and knows not to inundate my inbox with questions about my update schedule… then you can read no further and go enjoy your day, you lil smarty pants you.

If you are, at this very moment, seriously considering sending me another Email/PM/DM/comment/etc to ask me when I plan on updating, please click on these links below and follow me:

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER BECAUSE MY EVERY MUNDANE THOUGHT IS INTERESTING I SWEAR.

STALK ME ON INSTAGRAM I POST FUNNY LESBIAN MEMES AND HOE FILTER SELFIES.

ASK ME QUESTIONS I’VE ALREADY BEEN ASKED A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE OR OVERLY PERSONAL QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SEX LIFE ON MY ASK.FM.

FOLLOW MY FACEBOOK PAGE SO YOU GET UPDATED THE SECOND I POST SOMETHING IF WATTPAD FAILS TO NOTIFY YOU.

FOLLOW ME ON WATTPAD BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, HOW ARE YOU NOT ALREADY?

Aaaand posting this took about 2 hours longer than I thought it would, so I’m going to bed because I’m going to be a zombie tomorrow.

Goodnight and see you all soon for Chapter 6 😉

-Taleth.

P.S

I was just joking. Please don’t send me overly personal questions about my sex life.

Lost Then Found: Read Chapter Five Now!

Hi guys!

Click here to read Chapter Five of Lost Then Found.

PHEW. What a long wait, huh?

Again, thanks to everyone for being so patient. I had a loooot going on the past few months and it made it really difficult to stick to my update-a-month schedule that I was trying so hard to stick to. Writing is hard, guys.

I’d read the latest chapter first before reading this blog post any further (not that there’s anything particularly spoilery, but just in case.)

Ahem.

This chapter, which is 52 pages long in Microsoft Word, is 100% Val-centric. It’s basically a ‘day-in-the-life-of-our-favorite-mob-boss’ chapter, which I think is good because everyone has been asking to be in her head, and frankly I missed being in there anyway. It’s a good glimpse into what Val has going on, since the story has been very Alex-focused up until this point. Alex does show up eventually, though, so I’m sure that was a big relief to those of you that have been Sterling’d, which is probably 99% of you.

I’m excited about writing the next chapter because I get to have the two of them in the same room again, for longer than ten minutes, for the first time in forever. Writing them separately is a huge pain. I’m so used to them occupying the same space a la Alex’s Girl.

I’d love to know what you guys think of the chapter (as per usual) so feel free to leave comments here or on Wattpad.

Here’s the chapter song! Castle by Halsey (who, by the way, I will be going to see at Madison Square Garden on Saturday. If I can get Halsey to make out with me I will of course let you all know so I can brag about it.)

 

Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise
Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised
Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it
Already choking on my pride, so there’s no use crying about it

(Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei)

I’m headed straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying that I probably shouldn’t be so mean
I’m headed straight for the castle
They’ve got the kingdom locked up
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut

Straight for the castle

Oh, all of these minutes passing, sick of feeling used
If you wanna break these walls down, you’re gonna get bruised
Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it
Already choking on my pride, so there’s no use crying about it

(Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei)

I’m headed straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying that I probably shouldn’t be so mean
I’m headed straight for the castle
They’ve got the kingdom locked up
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut

Straight for the castle

In other news, the Skype Group Chat is still going on! We’re a bunch of fun chicks that you should come hang out with. To join just add me on Skype (by searching for me via my Email, Taleth.Phaulkon@gmail.com) and after I’ve accepted your add request PLEASE send me a message letting me know you’d like to be added to the group. It’s really that easy, I promise.

ALSO I’m very active on Twitter now, so that’s the best place to go if you’re looking for more consistent, frequent updates on my writing progress. My most recent writing-progress related tweet will always be pinned to the top of my Twitter profile.

Not that I don’t love hearing from you guys but before messaging me or commenting to ask when the next update is, make sure you’ve checked one of my SEVERAL social media sites to see if I’ve answered your question there.

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MY INSTAGRAM

ASK ME QUESTIONS ON MY ASK.FM

I KNOW THIS IS SURPRISING TO MANY OF YOU, BUT IF YOU FOLLOW ME ON WATTPAD THEN YOU WILL GET EMAIL ALERTS THE SECOND I UPDATE A NEW CHAPTER (and therefore won’t have to Email me constantly to see if I’ve updated yet…)

Oh and if you’ve recently messaged me or sent me an Email I promise I will respond the second I have a free moment!

I’m no longer going to promise to update monthly, but I will try my hardest to anyway.

I’ll post the Chapter Six Preview in a few weeks or so, so be sure to check back (or, if you follow me here too, you’ll get Email alerts when I post anything.)

OH and before I forget, I’ve entered Lost Then Found into The Wattys 2016, which is probably a longshot but hey I’m down for the challenge. I’ll be honest–I don’t fully understand how The Wattys work. BUT if you do, then feel free to do your thang and show your support for LtF because winning things sounds cool. Honestly it sounds like they choose winners based on votes, shares, engagement/comments (aka Data analyzed by their ‘data scientists’) so if you do any of those three things you’re helping Alex and Val out, and that’s rad.

Thanks to my lovely betas for reading 52 long pages and correcting my dumb mistakes despite having busy lives (and dumb mistakes) of your own.

Anyway. I love you guys. Thanks for reading!

Goodnight! Catch you on the flip.

-Taleth.

Lost Then Found: Chapter 5 Preview

Hello peasants!

Happy Friyay! May your work/school day be short and boring but in the good way, not the bad way.

I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything. I’m sorry. I’ve been really really really really busy. April was crazy and May has also been crazy.

Anyway, I know I warned you all at the end of Chapter 4 that there was a good chance that I probably wouldn’t update in May. I was right, clearly.

BUT I’m hoping to maybe update in June? I don’t know, this chapter is being a huge pain in the ass. I guess you’ll see why when you read the preview though.

Speaking of… here is the Chapter 5 Preview:

***

I wasn’t prepared to wake up in the emergency room with a bullet wound and a concussion, but I was even less prepared to find myself staring into Alex Sterling’s stunned face.

I had thought I was dreaming. I used to have that dream often. That nightmare. Her face often plagued my mind, when I was stuck drifting in the chasm between awake and sleep, like some painful, constant reminder that I had been to Heaven for a minute before falling back to Hell where I was destined to stay lost forever, wandering all nine circles like Dante before me.

If my heart was a house, Alex was locked in the basement.

She was a secret I kept buried in the darkest room, a place I never went to except in the late hours of the night, when exhaustion would weaken the defenses I had spent years building. Against better judgment I would open the door and take a peek inside, where I would find her shivering and starving, chained to the wall of my barely beating heart.

My visits to the room grew more and more infrequent as the years passed, until one day I realized I had stopped going entirely.

***

Mmmm symbolism. Delicious.

Oh, and surprise! Guess whose head we’re going to be in for Chapter Five? Here’s a hint– It’s Val. We’re going to be in Val’s head. You already knew that, you didn’t need a hint.

I’m still in ‘first draft mode’ with this chapter so this passage may be completely taken out, or moved around, or tweaked further, or who knows what, by the time I’m ready to post the actual chapter.

Oh, and as for the group chat… if you want to join, you’ll have to log onto Skype, search for my Skype profile/account (searching for it via my Email: Taleth.Phaulkon@gmail.com), add me as a contact, then REQUEST to be added to the group chat by messaging me. This is the ONLY way to join it now.

Goodnight and have a good weekend guys!

-Taleth.

Ten Fun Facts About The Upcoming Sequel to Alex’s Girl

As most of you know by now, Alex’s Girl has come to an end. About a month ago I posted an “Epilogue” and then revealed that the epilogue is, in fact, actually just the first few pages of the sequel! I called it an Epilogue so as to surprise you unsuspecting readers with the sequel announcement at the end 😉 and it totally worked. Once I post chapter one of the sequel, I will retitle “Epilogue” to “Book Two Teaser,” which is more accurate.

Obviously I’m really excited about this new project! I love writing, and it’s always nice having a ‘project’ for me to work on when I have some free time. I’m also absolutely thrilled to have finally finished something… I’ve started many stories and have never finished them, so I think it’s a good sign that I’ve finally learned to not give up and to see a story through to the end.

What’s in store for Alex’s Girl? Well, I’ll be re-reading it (for the billionth time), editing it, changing some things, and then sending it off to get edited by a professional and maybe see about getting it self-published as some people have expressed interest in owning a physical copy, which might be a neat idea if Wattpad ever crashes or something. Not sure about that yet, but we’ll see. It will definitely take some time because I’m much more interested in writing than I am in editing. Editing is boring.

As for the awaited sequel… well, here are some quick facts about it, to hold you guys over until I actually post it!

Ten Fun Facts about the Upcoming Sequel to Alex’s Girl:

  1. The working title is, Lost Then Found. It’s cheesy as hell, but nothing is worse than ‘Alex’s Girl.’ Also that’s a direct line from AG (bonus points to whoever can find the chapter  that it’s in.)
  2. This is sort of related to the previous fact: The first thing Alex ever says to Val is, “Are you… lost?” The first thing Val says to Alex in the sequel is, “Found you.” We’ve come full circle!
  3. I will post the sequel when I’ve written the first five chapters. I’m doing this so that it gives me time to write more chapters without making you guys wait too long between updates. I’d ideally like to update on a schedule, posting one chapter per month. If I have five chapters finished when I post, that gives me 5 months to focus on writing more chapters without pressure.
  4. Yes, we will hear about what Val has been up to this entire time.
  5. Yes, we will find out what is going on between Alex and Laura.
  6. Yes, we will see the return of some characters from Alex’s Girl. 
  7. Unlike Alex’s Girl, which was heavily focused on Val, Lost Then Found will be more Alex-centric.
  8. There will be no first-person POV chapters. The entire story will be written in third-person. That does not mean, however, that I will never write a first person POV drabble anyway and post it here for shits and gigs.
  9. The plot of Lost then Found will delve much deeper into mafia stuff and “powerful rival families” drama than Alex’s Girl did. Alex’s Girl certainly set up for both of these things.
  10. Here’s the current cover:

Lost Then Found

One day I’ll get both covers changed to something else (the models used for the Alex’s Girl cover actually really bother me… Alex’s model has a man-chin and Val’s model is some saucy latina), but both covers cost me $10 each so I can’t really complain.

I also just wanted to take a minute to thank you guys for reading Alex’s Girl and sticking by it even when I hadn’t updated it in over a year. Writing that story was quite the journey, there were times where I wasn’t sure if I’d ever finish it… but I’m lucky to have such awesome readers who waited patiently for me and showed me constant support by sending me thoughtful messages and leaving me encouraging comments.

Also, thank you for showing such an amazing amount of support for the sequel! I was beyond happy to see just how much everyone was in favor of a sequel, and just how excited it made everyone. Knowing that you guys are excited about it is what makes me eager to get these first five chapters done as fast as possible so I can see your reactions (pretty much my favorite part of writing is reading your comments.)

Anyway, enough sappy stuff. The next time I post here will probably be to announce that I’ve posed the sequel, although if you are following me then you will already know the second that I do.

Hope you all have been enjoying your summer 🙂

Best,

Taleth

Tello Films: Shows Created For Lesbians, By Lesbians.

What do we want?

LESBIAN SHOWS!

When do we want them?

NOW.

Picture this: Shows created with you in mind. Shows like Vervegirl TV’s Carmilla or like Orange is the New Black, in that they tell original stories often not told enough–stories about lesbian/queer women. That’s Tello.

Screen Shot 2015-06-29 at 5.34.35 PM

But before I get into that, I think we need to talk briefly about why a site like Tello is a much-needed godsend. Let’s take a look at how lesbians and queer women get treated on TV (and I mean just TV, because if I also focused on other forms of media we’d be here ALL DAY).

To point to the most recent examples (that I can think of, at least) there’s Orphan Black’s Delphine Cormier (played by my goddess Evelyn Brochu) who got shot in a parking garage and is presumed dead.

Delphine's Death Scene

I’m usually one to say, “If you don’t show the character’s on-screen death then there’s a good chance they’ll come back!”

But given the way the actresses are tweeting their goodbyes, and what co-creator John Fawcett had to say about it: “For us, I believe this is a horrible thing that had to happen. And I know that it’s hard and I know that it’s emotional and I know there are going to be a lot of people out there going ‘WHY?!?’ But trust me, this was a necessary move to make.”  

Well, let’s just say I’m not super optimistic about it.

Another recent example of lesbian characters getting shafted would be The 100’s Commander Lexa (played by my girlfriend Alycia Debnam-Carey). Technically her character isn’t the one that gets shafted, but because she does the shafting, the lesbian romance comes to an abrupt halt. The CW can get to say that they’re “progressive”, because their main character, Clarke, is bisexual and kissed a girl (Lexa) once. (Technically, the Lexa/the lesbian initiated the “surprise” kiss, absolving Clarke of responsibility so that people could easily say she wasn’t super into it, but let’s not get into that.)

Clexa kiss

But… wait… what about all the straight boys that want to fantasize about dating Clarke? And all the straight girls who want to be Clarke?

Not to worry. The CW  doesn’t alienate their main, straight audience, because surprise! Lexa betrays Clarke, therefore ending that romance before it even gets to develop into something real. We wouldn’t want a lesbian relationship that could possibly be off-putting to their heterosexual viewers! If you want to read my thoughts on The 100 (and my prediction for ‘Clexa’ development in Season 3, check out this recent blog post.)

Clarke and Lexa

Yes, Clarke, we DO deserve better than this constant, lesbian-relationship-ruining bullshit.

One more example then I promise I will get to the point. Lauren German’s lesbian character on Chicago Fire, Leslie Shay, gets hit by some beam or some shit, and dies in a burning building. In an interview with TVLife, Executive Producer Matt Olmstead ends up saying that all the writers sat in a room deciding which character should be killed to cause a ‘big impact.’ They wanted to choose a character that would affect ‘the most people’. So naturally, they chose the lesbian character, because that makes sense. Basically, it’s the opposite of what they’re saying. They wanted to make the least impact, so they killed off a character they considered less important the the other (straight) central characters. These are just three examples, but other recent examples include Isabelle Hartley (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D), and Sarah Lance (Arrow.)

Leslie Shay death

The point is, most of the time, it feels like the writers for mainstream TV shows include a secondary LGBT character just to say that they did, for brownie points. If they include a main character as LGBT, that character gets killed off, or their relationship ruined. I’m not here to rant and rave and list about a dozen other examples of lesbian/bisexual/queer female characters who are poorly handled/treated by show’s writers, because there’s literally an entire list on AfterEllen.com of 35 examples (which can be found here). It’s literally so common that there’s a Trope called “Bury Your Gays.” Tropes become tropes because they’re so common they’re essentially cliches. 

Basically, lesbian characters are very clearly living in a straight person’s TV show, and they end up getting pushed out, murdered, or killed, while their straight buddies live on to see another season.

Lesbian? No happy ending for you, sorry.

But this finally brings me to the point of this post: tello Films. What is tello?

tello is a subscription web-series site dedicated to producing quality lesbian series. Every series on our site is made by, for, and about lesbians and lesbian-friendly allies.
Every show on tello has lesbian lead characters, a lesbian storyline, and have at least one lesbian producer.  Our mission is to support the creation of lesbian entertainment and encourage lesbian creators whose ideas aren’t often welcomed in mainstream media.

Pretty sexy, right? There’s finally a place to watch shows written for and by lesbians, a place where lesbian characters aren’t in a straight person’s show, they’re in their own show, and they’re not going to be minimized or pushed out to make room for straight characters.

Screen Shot 2015-06-30 at 7.18.11 PM

The mission of Tello really jived with me because it was so similar to how I started writing. I noticed that there just isn’t enough LGBTQ media out there. I couldn’t find stories where I felt I was being represented. I wanted stories that didn’t have to revolve around lesbianism or sexual orientation, but that had three-dimensional, important, lesbian characters and protagonists. The book could be about aliens and there didn’t have to be any romance in it at all, I didn’t care, I just wanted a protagonist who I could relate to.

This is why I started writing in the first place. I wanted something, couldn’t find it, and decided to take it upon myself to create it instead.

That seems to be what the CEO & Founder of Tello, Christin Baker, also did. Christin Baker founded Tello Films in order to provide modern and relevant lesbian-focused stories for the under-served lesbian community. Like me, she saw that the lesbian community craved stories with characters they could relate to, took it upon herself to create said stories, and now provides them to said starved community via the website, http://www.onemorelesbian.com/tello/ 

She and her wife are pretty cute, too.

I’ll be honest. I had never heard of Tello until they reached out to me and offered me a year-long subscription in exchange for writing this post. Once I had looked into it I was eager to accept the proposal. If it turned out that this site was awesome then HELL YEAH  I would want to share it with you guys! Also, for the record, I’m not making a dime from writing this review, so you can rest easy knowing that this post is 100% honest and 0% bullshit.

I decided to watch a few shows and review them for you guys.

Some things to keep in mind:

  1. These shows are all web series. Each episode ranges from 5-15 minutes long. It’s short, but at least they usually all end in a way that makes you want to click onto the next one.
  2. The web design is terrible. If I were tello I would hire a new web designer, a good one, and drop some serious bucks on making their website pretty and optimized. Maybe it’s just the digital marketer in me speaking but UX/UI design shouldn’t be overlooked. Update the comment section as well. God. Update everything. Anyway, try not to let the poor design distract you, there’s some great content on the Tello site!
  3. In some of their older shows, the low budget production quality is almost distracting (looking at you, Cowgirl Up.) The newer shows, however, look/feel/sound/play great!

So without further ado, here’s what I thought of the shows:

The Show: #Hashtag

Current Seasons: Two, on-going

So there are a lot of series to choose from on Tello. In fact there is  drop-down menu of 18 series to choose from. For writing this review I wanted to watch a few, but where to start?

The first show I watched was #Hashtag.

Official Synopsis: #Hashtag follows the love lives of two technology-obsessed best friends in Chicago. From Instagram seduction to inappropriate selfies, Twitter oversharing to OKCupid dating, Liv and Skylar are about to learn the real-life consequences of over-indulgence in the virtual world. 

I already felt like this would be the show for me. Firstly, it’s a comedy, which I dig because lesbian shows are hard enough to find as it is but when you do find them, they’re usually super dramatic and depressing. Also, it’s about tech-obsessed twenty-somethings? I can relate to that!

I’ve got to admit, the first episode had me wondering if I’d continue. It starts off awkwardly, with one of the main characters, Skylar (played by Caitline Bergh) giving herself a pep-talk in the mirror. It was supposed to be funny, I think, but the scene itself came off as cringey.

THAT BEING SAID, the show quickly picked up, which is saying something, because if my super early opinion of you is that you’re going to suck, it’s really hard to change my mind afterwards.

The truth is, #Hashtag is awesome. It somewhat reminded me of HBO Girls except, you know, the Girls in question are either lesbian or bisexual. Hallelujah!

The show is definitely funny, with wacky (kind of dumb) Skylar and the more serious (but also hilarious because she’s more serious) Liv played by Lauren Zak. Skylar continues to be annoying throughout the show as she is an aspiring stand-up comedian (and is not funny AT ALL during her comedy acts) BUT it becomes an amusing kind of annoying. Her naiveté becomes endearing. You like watching her in scenes because you know she’s going to do something ridiculous or inappropriate, which is made all the funnier when her best friend, Liv, has to witness it with that ‘ugh not again’ look on her face, as Skylar’s dumb moves usually somehow make Liv’s life harder.

Liv & Skylar at a lingerie-themed bachelorette party

One of Skylar’s on-going storylines is trying to become a famous comedian, like I mentioned. But what makes it even more interesting is that she has a rival comedian named Rose who is Liv’s evil ex girlfriend. Rose is an awesome character. You begin to notice her flirting with Skylar, and if you love the enemies-with-sexual-tension trope as much as I do you’ll enjoy this weird “I hate you but wait… are we flirting?” kind of thing going on in season one between Skylar and Rose. Did I mention Skylar has a long-term girlfriend? Well she does. Drama~

Liv is my favorite character, possibly because I can relate to her the most. You first see her in the park with her dog, trying to read a book on a comically windy day. A man hits on her. Random girls come up to pet her dog. You can see her trying to be polite, but really, she’s just annoyed at these people bothering her. I feel you girl.

Then she’s also a commitment-phobe. She starts off dating one girl, Heather, then meets a total babe named Tasha (played by Marnie Alton.) What’s funny (and extremely relatable) about Liv is how she is afraid of commitment, yet does things that are seen as moving too fast. For example, in Season 1, during one of her first dates with Tasha, she invites Tasha to a wedding where Tasha would meet Liv’s parents. Then later, in season 2, Liv freaks out when Tasha offers her a key to her apartment even though she has practically been living there.

A mystery that starts in episode 1 is the mysterious Instagram stalker Liv seems to have. This woman, who goes by ‘MarleesMom’, is described as an “older woman, a nice looking Jewish mother” in her 40s. And she’s flirting with Liv non-stop. Liv is definitely into it, as this woman is apparently gorgeous and “Liv’s type” according to Skylar. Without giving anything away, let’s just say finding out who this mysterious woman is is SO SO WORTH IT (and you have to watch season 2 to finally meet her.) If you dig HOT older women and realistic (hilarious) lesbian drama that you can relate to then you will enjoy this show.

OH! And before I forget to mention it, yes there are making out/non-graphic sex scenes and yes some of them are hot (not all, but some.) There’s especially a lot of hot girl on girl action in season 2, which you’ll want to start watching right away because season 1 ends with a cliff-hanger.

Here is the trailer for Season 1:

Anyway, just go and watch the show now! Episode 1 is a bit boring and frankly, kind of weird, but after that it gets much better. Once you make it to episode 3/4 you’ll be hooked on this great series, I promise.

You Can Watch #Hashtag By Clicking Here.

The Show: Cowgirl Up

Current Seasons: Two

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If you were a South of Nowhere fan then this show is probably gonna be your first stop. Why?

Mandy Musgrave, AKA the ‘Ashley’ in ‘Splashley’ is in it! AND…wait for it…

It was created by Nancylee Myatt… also of South of Nowhere fame.

Unfortunately, Mandy’s appearance wasn’t enough to keep me watching. This show was way too goofy/corny for me, which is a shame because Mandy Musgrave is so great and her talents could be better utilized in a better show. I couldn’t get through season 1 and stopped watching after forcing myself to watch episode 3 (which I only did because it did seem to be one of Tello’s more popular shows, and I wanted to give it a shot.) I’m considering trying it again at a later time. Maybe it’s just another slow start that needs patience before it hooks you? There has to be a reason so many people like it!

That being said, if you’re into western-style comedies featuring cowgirl lesbians then Cowgirl Up is right up your alley. It did have some funny moments (AND MANDY MUSGRAVE), but with the poor streaming quality, terrible fake accents, general lack of realism, and odd special effect usage it just wasn’t my thing.

Here’s the teaser:

If you want to give it a shot, you can watch Cowgirl Up by CLICKING HERE.

The Show: Kiss Her I’m Famous

Current Seasons: Two, with a third on the way.

Official Synopsis:Kiss Her I’m Famous follows two down-and-out best friends as they look for fame in all the wrong places.  Their plan?  A celebrity sex tape to catapult the into the limelight. What could go wrong?

Kiss Her I’m Famous, created by Rolla Selbak, has an extremely strong start, which is more than I can say for the previous two shows.

It starts with a news station reporting on a sex scandal between a senator using taxpayer money to fund his hookers/escorts while on “business” trips to France. After this scandal, the escort in question gets a $20 million dollar reality TV show deal.

Then, we’re introduced to the leads.

One is a tech-savvy (super hot) lesbian named Mandy Diaz (played by Tracy Ryerson of The Real L Word fame) who we learn has just been broken up with for “not being adventurous enough in bed.”

The other friend, Jen (played by Ilea Matthews), is suspicious that her boyfriend is cheating on her while away at Cannes Film Festival. It turns out he is (with the same French escort that was caught with the senator!), and, somehow already packed, she promptly moves in with Mandy.

Ilea Matthews (left) and Tracy Ryerson (right)

The charm of this show is the dynamic between these two characters. Mandy is the more serious one, who is now dealing with insecurities about not feeling sexy thanks to what her ex, Hannah, had to say about her lack of sexual adventurousness. Jen is the more excitable, free-spirited one that concocts the crazy plan of making a sex tape in order to get back at their respective former partners. She’s certain that making a sex tape (featuring Mandy and someone else) will be their ticket to ‘fame.’ Their friendship is believable and hilarious, and somewhat reminiscent of Don’t Trust The B**** In Apartment 23 (with Jen being the Chloe to Mandy’s June… except Mandy is a way better character than June so that parallel is a little eh)

But what’s great about this show is that these two characters are so much more than their sexuality. Sure, the show itself is based around a sex tape, and the character’s sexualities are important to the plot (Mandy doesn’t want her sex tape partner to be a male, as she is a lesbian) but the show itself is really about two women, who are fantastic friends, with a crazy idea, and who get closer and closer as the series continues.

Free-spirit Jen and Tech-Savvy Mandy

What do I mean by closer? I wasn’t sure whether there was any romantic possibility between Mandy and Jen. After all, Mandy we know identifies as a lesbian, but Jen has so far only mentioned her ex boyfriend. However, by episode 3, during a more serious, heartfelt moment between the two friends, Jen tells Mandy, “You know I had a crush on you in high school, right?”

The build up, the tension, is perfect. Mandy, seemingly flustered by her friend’s confession, merely smiles, shakes her head, and changes the topic. Adorable.

YES! This is what we live for, guys. That romantic/sexual tension between two old friends, who maybe previously had never seen each other as romantic options, but who slowly become maybe more-than-friends as they go on this “sex tape” adventure together. Will they end up together? Do they have feelings for each other? How will their relationship continue to develop? I had to keep watching to find out!

I don’t want to give away too much (spoiler alert!), but basically the sex tape doesn’t exactly go as planned, as the guy that would’ve been playing opposite Mandy ends up eating a pot brownie and can’t, uh, perform. So of course, Jen replaces him as the other actress and Season 1 ends with the two friends/roommates filming a sex tape together.

Personally, I would’ve preferred more of a, “Uh, are you sure you want to do this?” or “Is this a good idea?” from either Mandy or Jen, but apparently they both were 100% fine with the sudden change in plans. If they were so fine with the new arrangement it sort of begs the question as to why they wouldn’t have considered it before. That was my only gripe with this scene.

I haven’t watched Season 2 yet, but here is the synopsis: Jen and Mandy deal with their feelings after shooting their fake celebrity sex tape. And trust us…there are A LOT of feelings.

I’m definitely excited to see how filming the sex tape has affected their friendship, if at all, and how they deal with their newly found fame after their video leaks! Not to mention, I see an episode titled “The Ex” and I can only assume Mandy’s ex, Hannah, is back in town. Yesss!

Here’s the trailer for Season 1:

The best part? You can watch all of season 1 for free. And you definitely should, because it’s my favorite Tello show so far (followed closely by #Hashtag).

You Can Watch Kiss Her I’m Famous By Clicking Here.

The Show: Nikki & Norra

Seasons: Only one, but they tried crowdfunding season 2.

Official Synopsis: Nikki & Nora follows New Orleans locals Nikki Beaumont (Liz Vassey) and Nora Delaney (Christina Cox), former NOPD cops turned private investigators. They navigate the channels of their personal life together alongside their dedication to uncovering the truth in the one city that really likes to keep its secrets, NOLA.

Nikki & Nora is one of Tello’s most popular series. If you’ve ever wanted Rizzoli & Isles to just give in to their temptations and finally be together then this show would be for you. It’s about two former cops (played by the super hot Liz Vassey and Christina Cox) turned private eyes who live together and are partners. Partners. Like. Romantically and professionally.

Oh and yes, they’re already together at the beginning of the show. Personally, I like a build up of tensions between two characters, the will they won’t they, but the fact that their relationship is already established is definitely a nice change from the norm!

The two have great chemistry on-screen and to be honest, I didn’t care that much about whatever mystery they were solving because I was just waiting for them to have a super hot make out scene (which was super hot, by the way.) If you love detective/crime shows and lesbians then look no further.

As a bonus, Janina Gavankar (Papi) from The L Word is also a cast member, and she’s definitely hotter in this show now that she’s gotten rid of the cornrows.

I didn’t want to go too much into this because a quick Google search will show you that a ton of other people have already written about this series, AfterEllen.com included. Like I said, this show is one of Tello’s most popular.

Here’s the teaser for season 1:

You can watch the first two episodes of Nikki & Nora for free by clicking HERE.

Honorable Mention: AKA I only watched one episode of this show 

The Show: The Throwaways

Seasons: One

Official Synopsis: When newly out teen Olivia loses her family, her home, and her future in one fell swoop, she’s taken in by a resilient group of lesbian misfits. Things can only get better. Right?

The Throwaways, written by Julie Keck and Jessica King, is definitely the most ‘serious’ show I’ve watched while bouncing around the available shows on Tello. Well, I’ve only watched one episode, but already the content is darker than the previous shows.

This show is about Olivia, played by Ashley Andersen, a straight-A student with dreams of going to Brown University. In episode one she is trying (valiantly) to get her (very annoying and possibly dumb?) girlfriend, Andrea, to study so that she too can get into Brown. Olivia says “You need at LEAST a B” hahahaha no, you need at least an A+/4.0 GPA to get into Brown, but I digress.

So anyway, said annoying girlfriend would rather make out with Olivia than study, which of course is all fine and dandy until Olivia’s homophobic mother comes home, kicks annoying girlfriend out (the one thing she does that I agree with), and tells Olivia that she’s being sent to what Olivia calls a “De-Gaying Camp.”

Naturally, Olivia is like ‘fuck that noise’ and makes a run for it in the middle of the night. She waits in her car outside of Andrea’s house, texting her to come outside and run away with her. Andrea of course is like “umm no just because your life is fucked because I threw myself at you despite you being worried that your mom might walk in on us, doesn’t mean I’m going to fuck mine up and run away with you.” Okay she doesn’t say that. She basically avoids responding all together and says things like, “My ‘rentz would be mad.” Remind me to rant about how annoying it is when show writers have their teenage characters use terrible chat-speak riddled with typos in some weird attempt to make the characters more relatable.

Episode one ends with Olivia driving off into the night, destination unknown (but based on the synopsis, we can assume she somehow finds her way to a band of lesbian ‘misfits.’)

I’m definitely going to keep watching this one. I think it’s an important story to tell. As much as I love the fun, light-hearted lesbian series that Tello has thus far provided me with, I do think having stories that are focused on the darker issues LGBT youth face are still stories that need to be told.

Watch the trailer here:

Upcoming Tello Shows:

Also, I know you guys love Carmilla. We all love Carmilla. If you don’t love Carmilla, it’s because you don’t know what Carmilla is, and I advise you to click here so you can get up to speed.

Why am I mentioning Carmilla? Because one of Tello’s upcoming shows features Carmilla’s Kaitlyn Alexander!

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The show, called Full Out, just wrapped up filming three weeks ago, and takes place in Chicago.

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I literally don’t know anything else about it, but based on the above picture I can only assume it has to do with dancing? Ballet? Whatever. KAITLYN ALEXANDER IS IN IT. And if that’s not enough of a big name, another confirmed cast member is Nana Visitor of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine fame.

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Awesome cast. Chicago. Dancing. I think we’re in for a good one, guys.

Anyway, I know by now you’re all probably wondering how you can watch these awesome shows (or the other ones I didn’t get a chance to get to yet.)

You can get access to all 18 shows and premium content as well as trailers/teasers/extras for just $4.99 a month by becoming a Tello subscriber.

You can subscribe by CLICKING HERE.

Tello is pretty generous, and is offering my readers (you guys!) an exclusive two-week free trial to their site, giving you access to everything–including their exclusive, premium content!

So, interested in checking out what Tello has to offer, for two weeks, for FREE? You can take advantage of this awesome free-trial by CLICKING HERE. 

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Thanks for reading guys. And if you end up using that sweet 2-week free trial deal, let me know what you think, alright?

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