personal Archives - Taleth Phaulkon

I know, I know, it’s weird to see my posting ANOTHER blog post so soon after another, but I have a good reason!

Mostly, it’s to thank you guys.

I’ve got to say… when Wattpad basically ruined the launch of Chapter Eight I was pretty bummed out. I always look forward to posting a new chapter, and I can ride that high for days.

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but for writers, especially us amateur ones writing on Wattpad, being able to see your comments is what makes posting our stories online so much fun!

Reading your comments is why I continue to post to Wattpad. It’s obviously not because Wattpad is a superior site in any way (yeah, right). I could post my writing to any other site. I don’t have to post it at all, even.

But I post to Wattpad because if they do one thing right, it’s letting us see how how our work can affect other people. The jokes you guys make in the comments, the reactions to our big plot twists, the speculations you make on future chapters we haven’t written yet… we love it all.

It’s exciting to see complete strangers, who could be anywhere in the world, interacting and engaging with a story you’ve spent so much time and energy on. When you guys look at something we’ve created and end up being as excited about it as we are: It makes it all worth it.

So while we write for free on Wattpad, we’re “paid” by your votes, your comments, your follows, etc. Your support as readers, your continued interest, your excitement over our work, is part of what keeps us writing. It’s often the motivation that has my ass staying up to finish one more page.

I’m not saying this is the only reason why I write, obviously, or that it’s the only reason why voting/commenting/following on the stories you enjoy is important (AKA it gets us noticed by publishers) but you guys are really important to the process too.

I’m writing this blog post because the outpouring of support I got on Twitter and on Wattpad was really nice. I wasn’t expecting it. I was a little down because my longest chapter yet, a chapter I was REALLY excited about posting, glitched out due to Wattpad’s technical issues. Hardly anyone could read my chapter, and those that somehow managed to weren’t able to vote or leave comments. AKA I had excitedly shouted “HERE LOOK AT THIS THING I WORKED HARD TO CREATE” into a (mostly) empty abyss with no response. Not great.

But so many of you reached out to me on Twitter to help me bitch out Wattpad, and to say how excited you were over the chapter, or how bummed you were you couldn’t read it. Some of you that managed to read it came to my Twitter to let me know how much you loved it, or you sent me messages on Wattpad to tell me how much you enjoyed it.

Guys that meant a lot to me. I don’t want to get cheesy or anything but I think it’s easy to get lost in the numbers sometimes. I know that people (generally) like my stories, but going out of your way to show me support made me feel it more clearly, I think. I’m not sure how to describe it. It made me feel proud of my work, that people cared enough about it, or liked it enough, to let me know that they enjoyed it.

In any case, I think it’s amazing that you guys took time out of your day to message me, because it’s so easy to read and run. The majority of my readers never comment or vote. They log in to read and then they bounce until the next chapter is posted. That’s fine of course, and expected when you offer something for free, but it makes the fact that I received so many messages today that much better.

Anyway. I’m hoping Wattpad will stop being shitty and magically start working again (because god knows it’ll take a miracle). People have been experiencing similar issues and Wattpad has responded saying that the issue may ‘fix itself in 24 hours’. I’m not hopeful, because it’s fucking Wattpad, but once everything is fixed I’ll be sure to send out another notification!

So yeah, that’s it. I just wanted to let you guys know how much I appreciate you leaving me comments and messages when I wasn’t expecting to get much of anything at all.

I hope when you guys finally can read the chapter, that you enjoy it.

So, thank you for your support! And happy eventual reading.

-Taleth.

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Just kidding. If I were to actually write a guide to romance you’d all be fucked, and I wouldn’t do that to you, because I care.

nickering seductively — Me flirting. Don’t be me.

This is just a post about my awesome Valentine’s Day plans.

So I’ve been dating this girl, codename SEXY MCHOTSTUFF (McHotStuff), for a few months. We’ve been talking since Thanksgiving but didn’t actually start going on dates until early December. So I guess it’s been like 2.5 months?

Well, whatever. Anyway. McHotStuff is pretty hot and awesome. I’m into her. I’m tryna get dat shit on lock, yo.

Okay no. Seriously though she’s pretty great, so I did some cute shit for Valentine’s Day and I want to share!

So last week, after we had awesome sex, I handed her a card. On the inside I had written ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ and then put two check boxes that both said “Yes.” Sort of like the pic below:

Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 10.24.45 PM — To purchase this card, click here.

And then in the bottom right corner I put a tiiiiny check box that said ‘No :(‘ next to it (gotta give her the option, at least.)

She immediately freaked out at how adorable it was, and checked off both Yes’s.

Scoooore.

So then there was a minor mishap where she was like “Wait, were you asking me to be your girlfriend? It was dark” and I said “uhhh no, the card was asking you to be my Valentine” and then things got awkward for like 10 seconds (because she thought she checked yes to being in an official, committed relationship with me) but anyway, that’s not what this post is about.

I love searching Etsy when looking for funny Valentine’s Day cards. We haven’t been dating very long at all, so anything serious/sentimental is a NO GO. It had to be lighthearted and fun. But also, I’m not a sentimental or serious person, so it was going to be lighthearted and fun anyway.

I was actually in a similar situation a year ago (different girl, obviously), and this is the card I ended up getting her:

So I was like, damn, that’s one ROMANTIC CARD. Gonna be tough to beat! And I couldn’t get this girl (who is TOTALLY BETTER than last year’s girl, and the girl before that, and the girl before that, and the girl before that, by the way) the same card!

So I did some searching on Etsy and LO AND BEHOLD I found the best card that accurately summed up my feelings while remaining relatively minimalist!

Obviously my nail color preference has not changed over the course of a year. Card can be bought here.

So in case English isn’t your first language, this card is funny because ‘Jalapeno’ is the name of a hot pepper, but when you pronounce “Jalapeno” it kind of sounds like ‘Ha-lah-peen-yoh’ and THAT sort of sounds like ‘All-Up-In-Yo’.

So, when you read this card, it basically sounds like you’re saying “I would love to get all up in yo(ur) pants.”

itsperfect — You knew a Korra gif was coming.

And since I do, in fact, love getting all up in her pants, I figured it was, as Korra says, perfect!

But then the question was… what do I write in it? I asked one of my best friends for advice.

Ahhh, romance.

So I ended up writing something similar. Warning: My handwriting is AWFUL. Like. Embarrassingly awful. Basically I have the handwriting of a 10-year-old boy. I tried explaining how bad it is to McHotStuff and she was like “I doubt it’s that bad, I mean you obviously know how to use your hands” which was really sweet but also my sexual prowess has nothing to do with my shitty handwriting.

I know I’m going to regret posting this image online because you’re all going to fixate on how TERRIBLE my handwriting is and miss all this romantic genius I’m spewing.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Congrats on your face,

And your booty, too.

(but also, like, everything else)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

You’re awesome and stuff.

Let’s make out?

-Taleth.

So essentially I’m saying, “I like you! Let’s have sex.”

I think it’s gonna be a winner.

She also loves this magician guy that is always at this bar she goes to with her friends, so she’s always sending me pictures of cool tricks he does for her (I’m convinced he’s trying to bang her but w/e).

So, naturally, I told her I’d learn magic to impress her.

She said, “PLEASE DO.”

SO! I went on Amazon and bought this “magic trick” that I did for show and tell once in 2nd grade. Allow me to demonstrate (apologies for filming this in portrait mode like a plebe):

Now you see the ball… NOW YOU DON’T…Now you do…NOW YOU DON’T AGAIN!

Voila! Magic.

She’s going to be very impressed.

NOW, FOR MY NEXT TRICK, WATCH ME MAKE HER PANTS DISAPPEAR.

I also got her a box of chocolates from Max Brenner (an amazing chocolate place in Union Square).

So yeah, that’s how I will be impressing McHotStuff on Valentine’s Day.

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day (or Singles Awareness Day, or Galentine’s Day, or whatever other variety of ____ Day they have these days.)

Also, I give you all permission to plagiarize my Valentine’s Day card poem, it’s pretty romantic.

May you all get laid, amen.

Tag: personal

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Taleth’s Guide To TRUE ROMANCE

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